


Coast to Coast

by fieryphrazes



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Angst, BJ Goes To Maine, Divorce, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Canon, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:28:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27954635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fieryphrazes/pseuds/fieryphrazes
Summary: When he landed in Boston, Hawkeye was waiting at the gate, hands in his pockets and toes kicking at the floor. BJ felt lightheaded just looking at him, and Hawkeye’s eyes lit up when he saw BJ. After pulling him in for a hug, Hawkeye shook his head.“He shouldn’t have called you,” he said.“I’m glad he did,” BJ responded, hands in his own pockets, facing Hawkeye without backing down.“It’s such a long way,”“I’d have come farther,” BJ said, “if you needed me.”BJ's been home from Korea for months when Daniel Pierce invites him to visit Crabapple Cove. Seeing Hawkeye again helps him make sense of the strange things he's been feeling since the war ended.
Relationships: B. J. Hunnicutt/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Comments: 14
Kudos: 82





	Coast to Coast

BJ never used to drive out to the coast. It seemed like such a waste, now; a whole big ocean right there, and he’d never had much use for it. Now it seemed like the waves kept him sane as he sat on the sand. There was something inside him, something that scared him. But he looked at the waves. They just kept coming, after all, no matter how much he was torn up inside or numb. They just kept coming.

When the operator had announced a call from Crabapple Cove Maine, and would he please stay on the line, BJ had jumped up out of his chair. He paced while the line connected, relieved and terrified to finally be getting the call, after so many of his letters had gone unanswered.

“Hawkeye!” he practically cried into the phone.

The last thing he expected was to hear an unfamiliar voice.

“Sorry to disappoint, BJ, this is Daniel Pierce,” the stranger said.

“What’s wrong? Is he alright?”

“Well, he’d say he’s fine. But the way he talks about you, I think you and I are about the only ones who could see through that.”

BJ smiled through his concern.

“What can I do?”

Four days later, he was on a plane.

All that time in Korea, BJ had thought of Peg, and Erin, and Mill Valley. Of their perfect, quiet life. He’d thought that was what kept him sane: living for tomorrow, clutching onto their future to keep his head above the water.

He’d built it up for so long, it was almost inevitable that it all would fall apart once he got back. That’s what he told himself as he moved into his new apartment, a two-bedroom on the second floor of an old Victorian. Enough space for him and Erin, when she was with him. That’s all he needed.

He’d known almost right away that he and Peg didn’t fit together anymore. He was so rough from all that time in the tent, but fragile at the same time – he could go weeks without feeling a single thing, then break down when Peg said good morning. The only thing that could really make him smile was Erin.

Peg gave him time, said it would all blow over. That was part of the problem, BJ thought. She wanted to wash it all away, pretend it never happened. He couldn’t do that.

Eventually she got sick of waiting for the old BJ to come back. He didn’t blame her.

When he landed in Boston, Hawkeye was waiting at the gate, hands in his pockets and toes kicking at the floor. BJ felt lightheaded just looking at him, and Hawkeye’s eyes lit up when he saw BJ. After pulling him in for a hug, Hawkeye shook his head.

“He shouldn’t have called you,” he said.

“I’m glad he did,” BJ responded, hands in his own pockets, facing Hawkeye without backing down.

“It’s such a long way,”

“I’d have come farther,” BJ said, “if you needed me.”

“That’s the thing,” Hawkeye threw BJ’s duffel bag over his shoulder and started walking, hands gesturing broadly. God, BJ had missed those hands. “It’s not that I’m not happy to see you, Beej, but I’m fine. He’s worried over nothing.”

BJ frowned. Daniel was right – he could see through the veneer.

“Well then, nothing to worry about,” BJ said casually. “We’ll just catch up, see the sights, and I’ll go home.”

Hawkeye’s footsteps faltered.

“Well let’s not be hasty,” he said. “You could at least consider the Maine lifestyle. You’ve never had such wonderful seafood.”

“Hawk, I’ve got an ocean of my own, about three thousand miles away, not to mention a daughter.”

“An ocean, a daughter, and still, somehow you’re darkening my door.”

BJ laughed and followed Hawkeye out to the car.

The drive up to Maine was dark, and after a flurry of conversation, they fell into an easy silence. BJ stared out the window, when he wasn’t staring at Hawkeye, and felt his own heartbeat moving through him like a wave. It had stayed with him, all the way from the Pacific to the Atlantic.

They pulled up to the little house in Crabapple Cove – somehow it was both exactly and nothing like BJ had imagined. When he had idly thought about the place Hawkeye had come from – his Hawkeye, the Korea Hawkeye – it seemed right that it would be a perfect, peaceful place. And it was, but the fence out front was starting to peel, and the brickwork approaching the front door was charmingly crooked. It was perfect, but it wasn’t. Just like Hawkeye.

BJ paused and looked up at his breath rising in front of him, following it all the way up until it disappeared, leaving just a clear, black sky dotted with stars. So many stars. More than he’d ever seen in Mill Valley, so close to the city; it was almost like the skies over the 4077. Maybe Maine was something right in between.

Hawkeye ushered him inside.

“Dad’s been in bed for hours,” Hawkeye explained in a low voice. “You’re in my old room. It’s an old house, so the floors creak and all that. The ghosts rattle their chains. You’ll feel right at home.”

BJ smiled and clapped Hawkeye on the shoulder.

“From one ghoul to another, thanks. It’s great.” BJ suddenly felt tired all the way down to his bones, and longed for a bed. “If I’m in your room, where are you? I hate to put you out.”

Hawkeye brushed him off.

“Sofa. I end up there most nights, anyway.”

“Hawk, I’ll take it –” Hawkeye cut him off.

“Absolutely not, Beej, you’re a guest. And besides, this way you can snoop through my foot locker in peace,” he said, his eyebrows waggling obscenely. BJ rolled his eyes.

“You know, I got used to wearing your socks over there – I might not leave you any,” BJ teased.

Hawkeye clasped a hand over his heart.

“What’s mine is yours,” he pledged in that melodramatic way of his. “I’d give you the socks off my feet, if you asked.” BJ laughed and couldn’t resist pulling Hawkeye in for another hug.

“God, it’s good to see you.”

BJ was surprised when Hawkeye didn’t crack a joke. He just held on.

The sound of the toaster popping in the next room woke Hawkeye. A stretch, and a sunbeam in his eye, and he was heading toward the kitchen. BJ and Daniel sat together at the table, coffee and freshly buttered toast between them.

“Morning Hawkeye,” Daniel said. “Nice of you to join us. I’m just getting to know your BJ.”

BJ felt his face flush. Hawkeye shuffled over to the coffee pot, still wiping the sleep out of his eyes.

“Don’t worry, Dad. BJ’s more than aware of all my faults, so no need to break out the embarrassing childhood stories.”

“Faults? This is the first I’m hearing about them,” BJ said dryly. “All that time in the Swamp, you were a perfect delight.” Hawkeye snorted.

“Dad, you know BJ did his best to keep me sane, and he even managed it for a while,” Hawkeye explained, “But you should also know that when he wasn’t doing that, he was driving me absolutely crazy with comments like that.”

Daniel looked between the two of them and laughed. Over breakfast, he did share a few stories that made Hawkeye cringe, but BJ didn’t find anything embarrassing about them. He wanted to know everything, to see Hawkeye like he had been, as a little rascally kid and a rambunctious teenager and a sleep-deprived resident.

After a particularly entertaining story about a goat painted blue and set loose inside Crabapple Cove High School, BJ was crying with laughter and even Hawkeye had cracked a smile.

“That’s enough, Dad, thank you very much!” he said in a singsong voice. “I think it’s time our guest saw everything the metropolis of Crabapple Cove has to offer. BJ, your guide will be leaving in 20 minutes. It’s a whopping 15-minute tour, so brace yourself.”

With that, Hawkeye ran off to grab the first shower. As BJ sat finishing his coffee, he felt Daniel’s eyes on him.

“I’m glad you called,” BJ said. “I needed a push to come see him. I don’t know if I would have gotten around to it, without you.” Daniel smiled.

“I thought that might be the case,” he said kindly. “And I think Hawk feels the same way.”

“It’s just, after everything –” BJ stopped to gather his thoughts. “I wasn’t sure if he’d want to forget it all.”

Daniel shook his head.

“I’m not going to lie, he’s had me worried for a few months,” he said. “But what really threw him for a loop was your letter.”

“My letter?” BJ leaned forward over the table.

“Must have been two months ago now,” Daniel said. “Whatever it was, it really upset him.”

BJ thought back. Two months ago. That was around the time he’d moved out. He had written to Hawkeye, giving a barebones outline and some excuses, along with his new address. He’d been avoiding telling him about Peg up to that point. He didn’t want to make him worry.

BJ didn’t know what to tell Daniel. He looked down at the dregs of his cup, searching for something to say. Before he found it, Daniel gave a final sort of _hmm_ and took his cup to the sink. 

“I wouldn’t put it past Hawkeye to leave without you, even if you are the tourist,” Daniel said with a twinkle in his eye. “Better not miss the bus.” 

They met at the front door a few minutes later, and Hawkeye drove into town. Main Street was cute, about what BJ expected from a tiny New England village. Hawkeye pointed out notable spots here and there, in Crabapple Cove history and in his own. They got out and walked around the village green.

BJ couldn’t help the gray cloud over him. He’d been doing fine until Daniel mentioned the letter. Now he couldn’t stop thinking about Hawkeye reading it and being angry at him. Maybe for screwing up his perfect, normal life. Maybe for giving up something Hawkeye didn’t have.

“Come on, Beej, are you even listening?”

BJ stammered out an apology.

“Geez, what did Dad say to you, anyway? You’ve been on pins and needles since breakfast. I thought we were having a good time,” Hawkeye sounded disappointed.

“Hawk, I just – are you – are you mad at me?”

“Only for asking a stupid question like that. What have I got to be mad about?”

BJ shrugged. “Something your dad said, about a letter I sent. I thought maybe you were mad at me for giving up on Peg, or something. I know it doesn’t make any sense, but I thought –”

“You’re right, it doesn’t make any sense. Why would I be mad at you when your wife is the one who kicked you out? Beej, I know you’re not a quitter. I know you fought to keep her.”

Guilt overwhelmed BJ.

“I didn’t,” he said quietly. “I didn’t fight.”

Hawkeye stopped in his tracks.

“Well why the hell not?”

“Hawk, it’s hard to explain. After I got back, it just didn’t fit anymore. Nothing felt right.”

“Buddy, you don’t have to tell me about not fitting. I’m all corners and this town is full of soft edges. But this is Peg we’re talking about. Peg, the love of your life? Ringing any bells?”

BJ shook his head.

“I used to think that, too. But I’m not so sure anymore. Ever since – ever since Korea, I’m wondering if I was just sleepwalking through my whole life. If I never really felt anything, before I started feeling everything all at once.”

“Beej, you’re not making sense,” Hawkeye said, lost.

BJ smiled sadly.

“I know. I haven’t been, lately. But I’m trying to figure it out.”

Hawkeye started walking again, hands in his pocket as they circled the square, headed back to the car.

“And I’m the one people worry about,” he said softly.

That afternoon they joked around, occupying themselves with nothing much, keeping things light. Daniel kept a close eye on them, in a shrewd way that made BJ wonder what he was looking for. If he had figured it out yet.

After dinner, Daniel excused himself for a solitary walk, and Hawkeye carried two martinis into the living room. They sat on Hawkeye’s makeshift bed, the sheets still rumpled over the couch cushions.

“Alright, Beej,” Hawkeye said, bracing his elbows on his knees. “I know you’re not telling me everything.”

BJ took a swig of martini and grimaced.

“I’ve been trying to figure out why it all fell apart,” BJ said. “I don’t think it was the war, not really. I think there was always something in me that I ignored. And being over there, being with you, kind of unlocked it.” He looked over at Hawkeye, who was nearly blending in with the sheet.

“Hawk, are you – what’s wrong?”

“BJ, what are you saying?”

BJ tried to shrug it off, but Hawkeye put a hand on his shoulder. He could feel the tension in that limb, and how it stretched back into Hawkeye. That point of connection made BJ shiver.

“I don’t know, Hawk! I don’t understand any of it. That’s what I’m trying to say. It doesn’t make any sense, how I can feel nothing, absolutely nothing, for months – and then I show up here and suddenly I know what I’m feeling but I’m too goddamn scared to admit it to myself, let alone to you!”

“Beej,” Hawkeye was whispering. “If you don’t tell me soon, I’m going to start guessing, and I don’t want to be wrong.”

BJ took a breath.

“I think about it all the time,” he said. “The Swamp, the mess tent, even the OR. Us, together for all of it,” BJ’s voice was getting lower, softer. “And now there’s three thousand miles between us, and we’re never going to be together again, not really. And it’s all I can think about, how much I miss it. God, I miss you, Hawk.” BJ looked up at Hawkeye cautiously – he seemed frozen in place.

“Beej,” he breathed, “Do you know what that sounds like?”

BJ nodded. “So you can see why I’m scared,” he said.

Hawkeye nodded back, braced his hands on his knees, and sat up straighter than BJ had ever seen him.

“Alright. You’re a mess, so I’m taking charge. No offense,” Hawkeye said. BJ smiled.

“None taken,” he said.

“You’re in love with me, so I think it’s only fair to tell you that I’m in love with you, too.”

BJ didn’t say anything right away. He just reached out, one hand clutching at Hawkeye’s, squeezing as waves of shock and joy rolled through him. Hawkeye loved him too.

BJ hadn’t allowed himself to think the words, not really. Hadn’t understood what it was, until he saw Hawkeye in the airport and felt something inside himself bloom.

BJ didn’t make it to bed that night. He and Hawkeye clung on to each other, there on the sofa, finally saying the words out loud, and crying, and kissing. They lay there, somehow horizontal, legs wound together, all four of their feet hanging over the armrest.

“We’ve established that I’m an idiot who was in denial the whole time,” BJ said eventually, “but when did you know?”

Hawkeye took a moment, looking a bit sheepish.

“Well, it was about the time you said ‘Rudyard Kipling.’”

“Hawk! That must have been –”

“The first thing you ever said to me? I am painfully aware,” Hawkeye said wryly.

BJ felt a pit open up inside him; now that he understood what was really happening between them, the idea that it had been there the whole time – it tore him up.

“Hawk, I’m so sorry,” he said, but Hawkeye shook his head harder.

“You didn’t know! It’s not your fault.”

“I guess I can see why you couldn’t tell me,” BJ said with a wistful smile, “but part of me wishes you had.”

“It wouldn’t have ended here, that’s for sure!” Hawkeye said, gesturing at their legs, intertwined as they lay on the sofa. BJ smiled.

“You never know.”

Hawkeye rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t stop himself from burrowing into BJ’s embrace.

“You needed time, that’s all,” he said softly. BJ tilted his head to lean on Hawkeye’s, sensing a sardonic follow-up. “Not everyone can be so accomplished so young, but you late bloomers deserve love too.”

BJ barked out a laugh.

“Late bloomer! I’ll have you know I was necking in the back of my dad’s Buick while you were still in short pants.”

Hawkeye scoffed.

“And I’ll have _you_ know that my pal Peter had his hands down those pants behind the school gymnasium, while you were still stuck on necking.” 

BJ waved a hand dismissively and said, “Fine, you win. What are we arguing for, anyway?” 

“Who’s arguing? I’m humoring a delusional madman.” 

It was BJ’s turn to get soft. 

“Hawk, you know I’ve never –” 

“I know.”

“But I want to –”

“I know.”

“I want to with you.” 

There was a pause before Hawkeye responded.

“Me too. With you. Even though I have before.” 

BJ nudged Hawkeye’s shoulder, and they jostled each other for a minute, which quickly and inevitably turned into a kind of haphazard wrestling on the narrow sofa. Within moments BJ ended up on top, pinning Hawkeye’s wrists to the armrest over his head. 

“Finally, we’re getting somewhere!” Hawkeye said with a roll of his hips. BJ groaned and melted into Hawkeye, giving up his high ground in favor of closer contact. 

“Hawk,” BJ whispered, “Hawkeye! I’ve got to get up!”

Hawkeye opened one eye and saw the blue light of very early morning. He was still wrapped around BJ, trapping him against the back of the sofa. 

“Come on, Hawk, your dad will be up soon. I have to get back to the bedroom.” 

“Great idea, I’ll come with,” Hawkeye’s voice croaked. 

“Are you crazy? Do you want him to find out?” BJ asked, scandalized. 

“Beej, he’s known since 1939,” Hawkeye said calmly. “Why do you think he brought you out here?” 

BJ thought for a moment. 

“He said he was worried about you,” he said slowly. 

“Yeah, because I haven’t been this lovesick since I was 19. Believe me, he’d be more surprised to find me alone on the sofa. Anyway, he’s probably already up.” 

A moment later, BJ was still captive on the sofa as Daniel came down the stairs, whistling. He went straight to the kitchen, but called out a soft “Good morning, boys,” as he passed the living room. 

“Told you,” Hawkeye said, settling back in with a yawn. “You’ll have to work a lot harder if you want to shock him.” 

“Is that a challenge, Captain Pierce?” BJ asked with a grin. 

“Beej, you know I love you, but if you ever call me that again I’ll kill you. I won’t enjoy it, but I’ll kill you.” 

“Aye aye, captain,” BJ said with a mocking salute. 

A month later, BJ looked out at the Atlantic. It seemed silly to miss it, when he was going back to his own ocean, but he knew he would. 

Hawkeye brought down the last suitcase, and BJ loaded it up and closed the trunk of the cab. He shook hands with Daniel one last time, and stood by as Hawkeye hugged his father goodbye. 

“I’ll call every Sunday,” Hawkeye promised. 

Daniel waved as the cab drove away. It was too far to see, but BJ knew there were tears in his eyes. In the backseat, Hawkeye impulsively reached for BJ’s hand. He clutched it all the way to Boston, and halfway to California. 

“Thank you for coming,” BJ said to Hawkeye as they landed in San Jose. “I know it’s not easy.” 

Hawkeye gave him a misty smile from the window seat. 

“When Erin’s older, we’ll move back,” BJ promised. Hawkeye nodded. 

“We’ve got plenty of time,” he agreed with a smile. 

**Author's Note:**

> at this point it seems very possible that i will keep writing different "bj shows up in crabapple cove" stories until, one day, i die


End file.
